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Sparks and Leaves
On the difference between true passion and “chemistry.”
Oct. 17, 2010
Ladies, I’ll grant you that quality men are few and far between and that finding a lasting relationship isn’t easy. I agree wholeheartedly that you should have standards, including a desire for passion. But by my lights this only explains part of your trouble. I’ve dated many of you, and I’m here to tell you—you’re charming, attractive, and desirable. Even after the legions of frogs are weeded out, it isn’t reasonable to think that you’re not being presented with plenty of decent, eligible men.
Those of us who have been seeking relationships for extended periods and aren’t finding anyone we wish to connect with for at least 3 or more dates would do well to examine ourselves. Perhaps it’s time to set aside the primary colors and study Rembrandt. After all, we’re worth it, and the sooner we do the sooner we’ll find relationships that are worthy of our efforts.
References
Fisher H., 2004, “Why We Love” Henry Holt and Company LLC, 175 Fifth Ave. New York, NY 10010, ISBN 0-8050-7796-0.
Peck S., 1978, “The Road Less Travelled” Simon & Shuster, New York, NY 10020, ISBN 0-671-24086-2
Penke, L., Todd, P.M., Lenton, A.P. and B. Fasolo (2007). How self-assessments can guide human mating decisions. In G. Geher & G. F. Miller (Eds.) (2007). Mating Intelligence: New insights into intimate relationships, human sexuality, and the mind's reproductive system. Mahwah: Lawrence Erlbaum. pp. 37-75. Available online at www.psychologie.hu-berlin.de/prof/per/pdf/2007/Penke_et_al_2007_-_Self-assessments_and_mating_decisions.pdf. Accessed Oct. 19, 2010.
Place, S.S., Todd, P.M., Penke, L., and J. Asendorpf (2009). The Ability to Judge the Romantic Interest of Others. Psychological Science, 20 (1). Pp. 22-26.
Todd, P.M., Penke, L., Fasolo, B., and A.P. Lenton (2007). Different cognitive processes underlie human mate choices and mate preferences. Proc. Natl. Acad. Sci., 104 (38), pp. 447–458. Available online at www.indiana.edu/~abcwest/pmwiki/pdf/todd.procnatacademy.2007.pdf. Oct. 19, 2010.
Wikipedia, 2010a. “Romance (love)” Wikipedia. Available online at en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romance_(love). Accessed Oct. 17, 2010.
Wikipedia, 2010b. “Dopamine” Wikipedia. Available online at en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dopamine. Accessed Oct. 17, 2010.
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