Reaping What We Sow

“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.” (I Cor. 13:11)

Arthur became a man when he drew the sword from the stone. David became a man when he confronted Goliath in the Valley of Elah. His adulthood notwithstanding, Saul became a man (and changed his name to Paul) when he confronted the risen Christ on the road to Emmaus. Say, or think what you will about these men, but never again did they lose sight of who they were or need anyone to tell them… including the women in their lives. In a consumer culture like ours… where the transition from boyhood to “manhood” has been ceded to rappers, sports stars and Playboy magazine… where teens idolize football players who run dogfighting operations for kicks… it’s little wonder that chaos has filled the spiritual vacuum. Some men measure themselves by their salaries, sports cars, and how many sexual partners they have, others by their ability to please women. Women are right to be as distrusting of men who are too nice as they are of men who are abusive. In the end, both are shadows cast by the same spiritual vacuum and there is less difference between them than you might think.

And yet, there is another face to the “too nice” dilemma that few women are willing to even acknowledge, much less own up to their own role in it. Having spoken with countless women over the years about their relationship histories and what they most desire in men, I’ve noticed some predictable patterns. Though most would choose their words differently, ultimately the guy they are looking for is;

• Trustworthy, faithful, ever-present… but also unpredictable.
• Open, honest, genuine… but also mysterious.
• Loving, romantic… but also dangerous.
• Interested in them and confident enough to initiate… but also "challenging" enough that he needs to be pursued.
• A nice guy… but not too nice (where the definition of “too nice” is far more stringent and vague that the false manhood described above).
• Ambitious. A tiger at the office and well paid for it… but never works more than 40 hours per week and has plenty of time for them and the kids.

Those who were Christians had an expanded list including;